From Way Downtown…Bang: A Close Reading

There is much ado in the blogodome about Keith Olbermann’s commentary on the World Trade Center Memorial, or lack thereof. Since I have nothing better to do while I wait for Jiggly Juggs 2 to finish downloading, here are my thoughts on Mr. Olbermann’s speech.

This is Mr. Olbermann’s opening:

Half a lifetime ago, I worked in this now-empty space. And for 40 days after the attacks, I worked here again, trying to make sense of what happened, and was yet to happen, as a reporter.

All the time, I knew that the very air I breathed contained the remains of thousands of people, including four of my friends, two in the planes and — as I discovered from those “missing posters” seared still into my soul — two more in the Towers.

And I knew too, that this was the pyre for hundreds of New York policemen and firemen, of whom my family can claim half a dozen or more, as our ancestors.

I belabor this to emphasize that, for me this was, and is, and always shall be, personal.

Here, Mr. Olbermann is clearly trying to establish that he has the right to comment on 9/11. He knew people who died and inhaled their remains and, this, in Mr. Olbermann’s mind give him reason to comment. But he shouldn’t feel that way. He has the right to comment on 9/11 and criticize the actions afterwards because he this is America, and he can proudly and freely bitch about whatever he so chooses. We do not live in a shitty movie sequel. The whole, “This time, it’s personal!” angle is unnecessary. The fact that he covered the aftermath at the scene and was understandably moved by what he saw means jack shit. He has an opinion. Through his TV show, he has a forum to express that opinion. That’s all he needs. For him to try to use his personal history to justify his 9/11 commentary qualifications means that Mr. Olbermann has apparently forgotten the freedoms his nation provides him. If people–especially the talking heads on the jumping box–think they need to experience a deep and meaningful personal tragedy to express an opinion, then the terrorists have already won.

Mr. Olbermann then proceeds to state the obvious: five years after 9/11, there is no Freedom Tower, Freedom Spire or even a Freedom Fort to memorialize those lost that day. He compares this with the quick dedication of a Gettysburg memorial, a mere four months after the battle. By doing this, he is attempting contrast the effectiveness of Lincoln with the inactivity of the Bush Administration. This is fucking hogwash.

Now I know I just said that people in America should have the right to bitch about whatever they see fit, but they should not have the right to compare modern politicians to Abe Lincoln. Lincoln freed the slaves. George Bush can’t even eat a pretzel without choking. To compare Bush or any current day politician to Lincoln is like comparing a sack of delicious Fuji apples with a Ziplock bag of month-old moose phlegm. No politician can possibly compare with Lincoln. He freed the slaves, wore a kickin’ hat and could wrestle the shit out of anyone. There’s a reason I have a bell in the shape of Lincoln: it’s because Abe Lincoln is the fucking man! Until Vin Diesel is elected president, Lincoln has no equal.

And although I don’t want to defend President Bush, Mr. Olbermann concentrates too much of his attack on the President, ignoring the local politicians who have also failed to build a memorial. Certainly New York politicians have as much to do with the lack of a memorial as President Bush does. But Olbermann doesn’t call out the New Yorkers. Why not? Probably because he’s speaking on 9/11/06 and he doesn’t have the balls to criticize New York.

On the anniversary of 9/11, New York can do no wrong, so Mr. Olbermann directs his venom towards an unpopular lame duck dumbfuck of a President. How courageous and outspoken of him. But where’s the criticism of Mayor Bloomberg and the people in New York who have failed to get their acts together and build something. If Mr. Olbermann had any real balls, and any real desire to see a 9/11 memorial structure, he would challenge the New York political leadership to demonstrate the will and solidarity of their city by erecting a kickass roller disco on the site of the former World Trade Center. Yet, in all 1447 words of his speech, Mr. Olbermann give absolutely no mention of a roller disco of any sort. This is inexcuseable.

Clearly Mr. Olbermann, blinded by his self-righteous political anger, never stopped to think about what kind of memorial would be most appropriate. If he had, he would have mentioned a kickass roller disco. The best way for New Yorkers to thumb their collective noses at the terrorists would be to party down in a kickass roller disco, sipping a premium malt beverage, while with sexy ladies in tube tops and hot pants skate around to the all-American music of KC and the Sunshine Band. But Mr. Olbermann, like so many others, is not interested in solutions. For him, words are just as powerful as memorial roller discos. Sadly, he is mistaken.

Although there is no mention of a roller disco, Mr. Olbermann does take the time to scold President Bush:

How dare you, Mr. President, after taking cynical advantage of the unanimity and love, and transmuting it into fraudulent war and needless death, after monstrously transforming it into fear and suspicion and turning that fear into the campaign slogan of three elections? How dare you — or those around you — ever “spin” 9/11?

Umm, has Mr. Olbermann forgotten whom he works for? He is in the cable news business. Why did he spent forty days (how Jesus-like of him) at Ground Zero? Why is he making this speech in front of Ground Zero? Is his normal studio being fumigated or are he and his producers trying to milk the 9/11 tragedy for every shred of emotional and dramatic significance? I see little difference between Bush and his blownhorn on the rubble of Ground Zero and Olbermann and his microphone. Both are using their backdrops for dramatic effect and both are more interested in flinging their speech than in catching terrorists and building memorial roller discos.

Now I certainly don’t agree with the Bush Administration and their scaremongering, but someone working for a cable news network really needs to think twice before criticizing someone for sensationalizing a tragedy. Mr. Olbermann claims that he has not forgotten 9/11, but evidently he has forgotten the weeks and months following, when his cable news brethren filled their broadcast schedule with “What if the terrorists tried to blow upinsert name of any major building, landmark or Super Wal Mart on the East or West coast?” speculation. And who could forget all the fun with anthrax and duct tape? Mr. Olbermann and his co-workers did such a good job frightening the public, that an old lady in Florida saw cleaning product on the floor in a department store and–without consulting or informing anyone at the store–phoned the police, telling them there was anthrax in the mall. So, Mr. Olbermann, please remember that anytime you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

Well, I could go on, but my porn is finished downloading. In conclusion, I’d really appreciate it if Mr. Olbermann would take more in-depth look at issues. Looking at a hole in the ground and saying, “Bush did it” isn’t very hard. And just because Keith Olbermann is one of the few cable news drones who isn’t a mindless kissass is no reason for the blogdome to cream its pants over such simple-minded drivel.

Yes, the President is a fuck-up, but so are a lot of other people. Scapegoating a handful of maligned douchebags is not productive, nor is it hard-hitting meaningful journalism. Mr. Olbermann needs to realize that President is just one of the many problems facing this country. In order to create the efficient and dignified government that Olbermann–and many others–desire, there are going to need to be a helluva lot more changes that just the president. Specifically, we need two things: a 9/11 Memorial Disco and a reanimated Abe Lincoln do show these beltway nimrods how to be a real politician. If Mr. Olbermann truly cared about America, he’d strap on some roller skates and learn to raise the dead. Until that day comes, he’s just another pompous cable news windbag.