I have been watching soccer. Lots of it. Willingly. I feel so dirty. To make matters worse, I’m actually enjoying the soccer. Even though it’s just a bunch of prettyboy douchebags who style their hair before playing sports running up and down the pitch without really accomplishing much more than kicking the ball over the goal, I’ve been enthralled. I can’t turn it off. I get myself some brownies and Kool-Aid, plop down in Osama Bin Loungin’ and cheer for the Koreans in their silly pink uniforms. I just can’t help myself.
Now I don’t know much about soccer and I’m watching many games on the Spanish station, but I’m actually starting to recognize certain aspects of a sport I once thought of as little more than a glorified 90-minute jog. For instance, even though Ghana won the match, I didn’t need a coherent announcer to realize that the Slovak goalie is quite good. And during the Brazil-Australia match, I even learned to tell the difference between Ronaldo and Ronaldino. Ronaldo is the fat slow one, Ronaldino is the retarded-looking fellow with the greasy ponytail. Also, the sexy Brazilian ladies in the stands are no match for the fat Korean guy in the stands. I love that fat Korean guy.
I’m even a little disappointed that I won’t be around to watch tomorrow’s US-Ghana contest. US goalkeeper Kasey Keller is a relation of mine (he’s my mom’s aunt’s daughter’s son) and I always root for family. If the US loses tomorrow, Kasey will have failed not only his team, not only his country, but he’ll have failed me. That I cannot forgive. If the US loses to Ghana, I’ll never speak to Kasey Keller again. Not that I’ve ever met or spoken to him before, but he blows it for the US, he’ll be just like the rest of the offspring of my maternal Grandfather’s 21 siblings: dead to me. With any luck, the Ghanaians will be more proficient than the Italians at kicking the ball into their own goal, giving the US a good chance to not lose a match.
I too have been watching the soccer. That’s all. Oh, also those Ghanaese really press my buttons, it is about time the US shows them whats what.
Ghanaese? They’re called Ghanaians, you ignorant slut.
i think that’s right.
I always thought he was my mom’s second cousin, making him my third cousin. I don’t really know how the whole cousin thing actually works. Regardless, he lost, so he’s dead to me now.
your mom and your mom’s aunt’s daughter are first cousins–they share a common set of grandparents. your mom spawned you, and your mom’s aunt’s daughter spawned kasey keller. since you and kasey share a set of great-grandparents, you are second cousins.
I’m pretty sure that’s correct. But it doesn’t matter. Kasey Kellar is dead to me. I’ve now officially adopted Richard Kingson (aka Farok Gursoy) as my new second cousin.
You know, I don’t understand you.
I think your comment is rather stupid.
It does not only depend on the goalkeeper! It’s the hole team…
Maybe I defend him, because I think he is cute… but I really think you are going over board with this
I’d rather have Kasey Keller.
He is hot and sexy. If he was my cousin, I’d be involved in some serious incest!
Since Kasey Keller is only a second cousin, if I were to bone him (which I wouldn’t, because he is dead to me) I don’t think it would be considered incest. But it would definitely be weird.
And yes, I’ll admit that Kasey wasn’t the only reason the Americans lost. There were 10 other blokes on the pitch who stunk it up as well. That said, soccer goalies are the single most important player of any kind in any sport. No one player, not quarterbacks or hockey goalies or place kickers, have as much an impact on an individual match as soccer goalies do. So it’s not completely wrong to place a bulk of the blame on the goalie.
If you had either Reyna or Gibbs as a second cousin, then he should be dead to you after that game. I don’t think Kasey deserves much blame, though. He didn’t have much chance on the first goal and the PK was a crap call which KK couldn’t do anything about. Mostly Arena should be blamed for turning chickenshit when it was important to be bold. Seriously, Ben Olsen instead of O’Brien after Reyna had to leave the game? I don’t care how out of shape O’Brien was, he still would have been more helpful for turning a 1-0 deficit into a victory than Olsen.
I guess I still don’t know very much about soccer because that made no sense to me at all. And I don’t even know why soccer teams have coaches. The players seem to do a pretty good job of managing themselves and admitting when they’ve become too tired to remain effective.
Sorry. Why didn’t you just ask your cousin? Are you that kind of close to him?
Reyna was the guy who lost the ball before the first goal. He had plenty of time to do something useful with it, so it was entirely his fault.
Gibbs was the guy who kicked the ball right in front of his own goal, where a forward and a defender collided and the ref awarded a PK even though it looked like normal contact.
Ben Olsen used to have potential, but then he suffered some serious injuries. There’s be no sign that the coach ever realized he is no longer fast enough to play with the big boys. He was never good enough to warrant first-man-off-the-bench status in a win or go home WC game.
John O’Brien is one of the best players in the US, but because he was recovering from some serious injuries of his own, he was out of shape. He only had to play 45 minutes, though, and he would have been a big improvement over Olsen.
I honestly don’t know what good a coach is during the game, either, but he’s the one who picks who goes in or out of the game.
you know, I’d be proud of him.
If the defense messes up, what can the goalie do?
You shouldn’t say that.
The only thing that kinda shocked me was, how he met his wife! They know each other all their life and all the sudden–bam– they fall in love? I don’t know, I think he could have done better.
I love soccer, I grew up with it. I’m orig. from Germany and my brother could have gone Pro as a soccerplayer, but he was afraid not to make it.
I think you should be proud. It doesn’t matter if you loose or win. Teh Germans got their tail spanked, I wasn’t happy, but what can one do? Just be loyal. I like Kasey, and would love to meet him…but, give him a chance…
That kind of thinking is exactly why soccer continues to lag behind hockey, NASCAR and jai alai in sports popularity here in the states. American sports fans don’t want to just accept the fact they everyone tried their best and that it’s an honour just to make it to or advance at the World Cup. American sports fans need scapegoats, a single player who will unjustly shoulder the blame for the failures of an entire team or organization. In soccer, the goalie is clearly the most important player on the pitch, so 99% of the time (the exception being when a player kicks the ball into his own goal and that goal ends up being the winning or tying goal) the goalie will take the blame. That’s just the way sports work over here. There’s a stereotype that portrays European soccer fans as a bunch of racist, violent lunatics, but at least the soccer hooligans pick the right player to knife after a heartbreaking tournament loss. American fans just look for the easiest person to blame, and we’re too fat and lazy to even bother hunting down and attacking players who disappoint on the field of play.
that;s just wrong.
I live over here since 87 , went back to Germany in 89 and since 92 I’m back.I just miss it.
I hated the Worldchampionship reporters over here. They are so lame! No excitement.