Swiss Miss the Point of Minarets So it seems that the Swiss populace, desperate to show what wacky fun can be had with a true democracy, have banned the construction of minarets. I have a problem with this for two reasons. One, this is obviously an attack on Muslims, but it’s a half-assesd attack. If the Swiss voters hate Muslims so much, at least have the Bäusche to propose a resolution banning Muslims, not the architectural feature most commonly associated with the Muslim faith. Second, minarets are awesome. When I was purchasing a house, the first thing I investigated was whether or not the HOA allows the addition of minarets to the property. It’s always been my dream to have some variety of tower, turret, or minaret attached to my home. I don’t see why the Swiss wouldn’t want the same thing for themselves. If they don’t want symbols of Islam all around their cities, then they should encourage the building of minarets, so that they are no longer a distinctively Muslim feature. Instead of banning minarets, the Swiss voters should be saying, “Zwiebeltürme fur Alles!”
Three Question About the Coverage of Tiger Woods’ Accident
1. Who cares if Tiger Woods is having domestic problems that may or may not have led to his hot wife beating the shit out of him and/or his car.
2. Why do people insist on asking questions like “If you know you’ve been truthful with the police and have nothing to hide, why wait?” Why should we be surprised when famous people don’t want to respond to paparazzi and gossip mongers.
3. Since when are the Enquirer and TMZ reputable sources on which to base an article? Seriously, I should quit my job and become a journalist, where apparently all I have to do is ask questions about sensationalist gossip spread by bullshit sources.
Speaking of Journalism... Where do I apply for a job as a special reporter for the Miami Herald? A Sunday article devoted entirely to where to find Santa? I think I can handle that. You know where you find Santa in the suburbs after Thanksgiving? Everywhere! Go to any mall, there’ll be a Santa. Go to any Christmas tree lighting or musical presentation, there’ll be a Santa. Go to any windowless van lurking near a playground, there’ll be a man dressed as Santa, eager to deliver his special packages to your children. I hope next week in the Herald a reporter will help me find a Starbucks or a McDonald’s.
What Has My Alma Mater Come To? Buried in this Daily Targum article about Rutgers’ dominating victory over Louisville, after the two forced horse-racing metaphors at the beginning of the article, and after singing the praises of Rutgers’ frustratingly inconsistent offense, the author tries to go all Chris Berman on us, referring to Louisville quarterback Adam Froman as, “The Sausage King of Chicago.” Now this is clearly a reference to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, specifically the scene where Ferris cons his way into a fancy restaurant by pretending to be Abe Froman. While I support the attempts of the Targum to court the hipster audience by making 1980s film references, but they at least need to get the reference correct. With their inability to properly fact check pop culture references, the writers and editors of the Daily Targum are shitting all over the fine Cinema Studies program at Rutgers, a program that gave me the Cinema Studies minor that has given me so much financial and romantic success over the years.
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