Comments on: Your Guide to the Ultimate TRP Costume http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31 rock on Wed, 01 Sep 2010 01:47:36 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Emaciated http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-154 Emaciated Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-154 Here in Haverhill, MA (the inspiration for the world of Archie and Jughead, etc.) Halloween is already over. Now in the rest of the country Halloween takes place on October 31st, but the powers that be here near the North Shore have decided, owing I assume to school day distractions and general hooliganism, that Trick-or-Treating (and for all intents and purposes then Halloween) will take place on the last Saturday of October between 4 and 6 pm. So this past weekend (the trick-or-treating was postponed until Sunday this year due to inclimate weather) I went over to the Market Basket and picked up 10-packs of little Snickers, and M&M's, and 8-packs of Kit-Kats and Reese's Cups so that I could prevent my apartment from being egged (or huevo'd, as they would say around here.) That's 36 pieces of candy, enough for 36 Trick-or-Treaters if I'm stingy (which I am) or 18 if I'm generous. I got a total of 8 kids over the course of the 2 hours. 8. I take from this that the effeminate liberal elitists who run Tax-achusetts are waging a war on Halloween - just as they have waged war on Christmas for years - and judging by the pathetic enthusiasm for the event displayed by the Haverhill youth, I am afraid to say that they are winning. On the bright side, if anyone is looking to do a little candy arbitrage, we're already experiencing the post-Halloween candy-bubble-explosion that the rest of the country won't see until tomorrow night . . . Here in Haverhill, MA (the inspiration for the world of Archie and Jughead, etc.) Halloween is already over. Now in the rest of the country Halloween takes place on October 31st, but the powers that be here near the North Shore have decided, owing I assume to school day distractions and general hooliganism, that Trick-or-Treating (and for all intents and purposes then Halloween) will take place on the last Saturday of October between 4 and 6 pm. So this past weekend (the trick-or-treating was postponed until Sunday this year due to inclimate weather) I went over to the Market Basket and picked up 10-packs of little Snickers, and M&M’s, and 8-packs of Kit-Kats and Reese’s Cups so that I could prevent my apartment from being egged (or huevo’d, as they would say around here.) That’s 36 pieces of candy, enough for 36 Trick-or-Treaters if I’m stingy (which I am) or 18 if I’m generous. I got a total of 8 kids over the course of the 2 hours. 8.

I take from this that the effeminate liberal elitists who run Tax-achusetts are waging a war on Halloween – just as they have waged war on Christmas for years – and judging by the pathetic enthusiasm for the event displayed by the Haverhill youth, I am afraid to say that they are winning.

On the bright side, if anyone is looking to do a little candy arbitrage, we’re already experiencing the post-Halloween candy-bubble-explosion that the rest of the country won’t see until tomorrow night . . .

]]> By: shawn http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-155 shawn Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-155 Why not 37? You were so close. Last year, when I was living in an apartment complex just crawling with little shithead children, I expected trick-or-treaters in droves. I bought 10 pounds (in weight, not English currency) of candy from the Costco. I had four trick-or-treaters. Four. And three only came because the first one went and got his brothers and sister. I tried to give them pounds (currency, not weight) of candy each, but they refused, saying that I had already given them enough. Clearly the war on Halloween is not just being fought in the homoerotic Northeast, but in the pickup truck drivin', Mexican (the people not the food) hatin', Honky Tonk Badonkadonk lovin' Southwest as well. Why not 37? You were so close. Last year, when I was living in an apartment complex just crawling with little shithead children, I expected trick-or-treaters in droves. I bought 10 pounds (in weight, not English currency) of candy from the Costco. I had four trick-or-treaters. Four. And three only came because the first one went and got his brothers and sister. I tried to give them pounds (currency, not weight) of candy each, but they refused, saying that I had already given them enough. Clearly the war on Halloween is not just being fought in the homoerotic Northeast, but in the pickup truck drivin’, Mexican (the people not the food) hatin’, Honky Tonk Badonkadonk lovin’ Southwest as well.

]]> By: John http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-156 John Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-156 What's next? Legislating pi to be 3.0 or maybe 3.1429 if we're lucky? Get out of that town while you still can. What’s next? Legislating pi to be 3.0 or maybe 3.1429 if we’re lucky? Get out of that town while you still can.

]]> By: shawn http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-157 shawn Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-157 Why so surprised, John? Most holidays are celebrated on a pre-determined day of a pre-determined week, rather than on the same day every year. Holidays like Christmas are rarities, not the norm. What I wonder is what would a person such as yourself (assuming you had children of trick-or-treating age) do on Halloween? What would happen, if you, in a moment of anti-establishment rebellion, decided to take your children trick-or-treating on the 31st, rather than the last Saturday of October? Would people still give out candy? If they did not, would you still have the right to egg their house? And how do the Haverhill Folk handle double-dippers: those who try to get candy on both the Haverhill Halloween and the real Halloween? These are the things you should be worrying about. π is inconsequential. Why so surprised, John? Most holidays are celebrated on a pre-determined day of a pre-determined week, rather than on the same day every year. Holidays like Christmas are rarities, not the norm. What I wonder is what would a person such as yourself (assuming you had children of trick-or-treating age) do on Halloween? What would happen, if you, in a moment of anti-establishment rebellion, decided to take your children trick-or-treating on the 31st, rather than the last Saturday of October? Would people still give out candy? If they did not, would you still have the right to egg their house? And how do the Haverhill Folk handle double-dippers: those who try to get candy on both the Haverhill Halloween and the real Halloween? These are the things you should be worrying about. π is inconsequential.

]]> By: Mr. Marbles http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-158 Mr. Marbles Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-158 Just a bunch of minor, half-rated holidays fit the "pre-determined day" plan. Christmas isn't the only same day holiday. What about New Year's Eve? Valentine's Day? July 4th? My birthday? And, once upon a time, Halloween? All the important ones are on the same day, same month, every year. Just a bunch of minor, half-rated holidays fit the “pre-determined day” plan. Christmas isn’t the only same day holiday. What about New Year’s Eve? Valentine’s Day? July 4th? My birthday? And, once upon a time, Halloween? All the important ones are on the same day, same month, every year.

]]> By: shawn http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-159 shawn Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-159 Who are you to decide upon what day the year begins and ends? Just because your Papist Gregorian calendar says December 31 is New Year's Eve doesn't mean I have to go along with it. For me, New Year's Eve is January 18. Who are you to decide upon what day the year begins and ends? Just because your Papist Gregorian calendar says December 31 is New Year’s Eve doesn’t mean I have to go along with it. For me, New Year’s Eve is January 18.

]]> By: John http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-160 John Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-160 'Nuff said. ‘Nuff said.

]]> By: shawn http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-161 shawn Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-161 For the record, I am far too lazy and indecisive to subscribe to any established system of political opinion. The history and theories of Communism do not interest me a whit. I'll just stick with my unorganized, often-hypocritical, liberal fascist beliefs. For the record, I am far too lazy and indecisive to subscribe to any established system of political opinion. The history and theories of Communism do not interest me a whit. I’ll just stick with my unorganized, often-hypocritical, liberal fascist beliefs.

]]> By: John http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-162 John Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-162 If you're so lazy, then how come you celebrate Chinese New Year? How much extra work are you willing to put yourself through? If you’re so lazy, then how come you celebrate Chinese New Year? How much extra work are you willing to put yourself through?

]]> By: shawn http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/archives/31/comment-page-1#comment-163 shawn Wed, 30 Nov -0001 00:00:00 +0000 http://iwannaspankjenniferlovehewitt.com/?p=31#comment-163 Do you see me dressed in a giant dragon outfit? Of course not. You need at least two people to make that work. Regardless, my New Year's Eve is on January 18 because I was born on January 19. It makes much more sense for my year to begin and end on my birthday than on January 1, which, coincidentally, was supposed to be my birthday. Do you see me dressed in a giant dragon outfit? Of course not. You need at least two people to make that work. Regardless, my New Year’s Eve is on January 18 because I was born on January 19. It makes much more sense for my year to begin and end on my birthday than on January 1, which, coincidentally, was supposed to be my birthday.

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