shawn
BioSchlock
I apologise for the title of this post. It sounds like something out of Mad Magazine. Actually, it’s not even that good. It’s like something out of Cracked, the magazine, not the website. The Cracked website titles all their posts in the “The n Most x y, where n is a number, x is an adjective, and y is an element of pop culture that is meant to seem ironic. But I digress.
A One-Act Play In Which I Attempt To Console Two Sobbing Children
ME: Hey kid, why are you crying?
Sobbing Child 1: I want my mommy!
Sobbing Child 2: I want to go home! I don’t like it here!
ME: It’s school, no one likes it here.
SC1: I want my mommy!
SC2: I need to go to the nurse!
ME: Are you sick?
SC2: I want to call my mommy so she can take me home.
SC1: I wanna go home!
ME: Listen, kids, they’re not going to let you go home unless you’re sick. If they let every kid just go home, there wouldn’t be anybody left in school. Then they’d have to close the school down, I’d be out of a job, I wouldn’t have any money for food, and I’d die alone in the streets. You don’t want me to die, do you?
SC2: I don’t like it here!
SC1: Yeah, it’s haunted here!
Kicking A Swede When He’s Down
Ingmar Bergman is dead. And even though I was a Cinema Studies minor at university, I never much understood all the Ingmar love. Woody Allen said Ingmar was, “probably the greatest film artist, all things considered, since the invention of the motion picture camera.” Well, if you ignore Griffith, Lang, Murnau, Ford, Welles, Kubrick, Kurosawa, Leone, Peckinpah, Godard, Eisenstein, Bresson, and that Hitchcock fellow, then Woody might have a point. As far as I’m concerned, however, Bergman is the Kafka of the cinema.
Awesome Movie Review: Pirates of the Carribbean: At World’s End
I would like to approach this Awesome Movie Review of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, if I may, via scenes from each of the Clerks movies. In Clerks 2, Randall describes the Lord of the Rings movies as three movies of people walking. Replace walking with sailing and you’ve pretty much got At World’s End
Groundbreaking Research
There’s some interesting new research going on at the University of Madison-Wisconsin into the complex and mysterious subset of society known as fantasy baseball. I play fantasy baseball (the Yip-Yips are #2, with a bullet), so I know a thing or two about the psychological dynamics of the game. Actually, I know very little about the psychological dynamics of anything, but I do know a thing or two about how to run a second-place fantasy baseball team, and that’s a lot more than these two researchers at UWM seem to know.
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