Awesome Movie Reviews
Awesome Movie Review: Thank You For Smoking
Voice-over narration. I’m not a fan, especially when the narration is first-person. First-person narration in film has two fundamental flaws. First, it’s a holdover from the realm of literature. Novels have first-person narrators, so why can’t films? Well, I’ll tell you why: because films are, by there very nature, third-person in nature. There might be the occasional exception, but nothing noteworthy or worthwhile. Just as it is very difficult for a novelist to actively and successfully mix first- and third-person narration, using a first-person narration in a third-person film is quite the sticky wicket. The second flaw of first-person narration is that it is far too often a narrative crutch. There is the old Creative Writing 101 adage of “show, don’t tell” that applies equally, if not more so, to film. While there are many, many idiots in this world, I am not one of them.
Let The Countdown Begin
November 19th, idiots, that’s the day video gaming as we know it will be forever changed. November 19th is the day when The King, of Burger King fame, will make his gaming debut, on both the Xbox and the Xbox, Again?. I can’t wait. I want to be the first person on my block to command the Subservient Chicken and bump Brooke Burke into submission. Once I get a few more rolls of duct tape, I’m going to try to finish my time machine, so I can go into the future and get the games before everyone else. For those of you too lazy or illiterate to read the linked article, here are the descriptions of the three games, with the appropriate emphasis added:
“Pocketbike Racer” – In the wild world of Pocketbike racing, players race the King and his miniature motorbike crew through five fun, yet challenging speedways.
Awesome Movie Review: Ginger Snaps
Although I once declared that The Onion Has Jumped The Shark, they redeemed themselves with Make-A-Wish Recipient Now Wishes Macho Man Randy Savage Would Go Away. “Snap into remission!” might be the cleverest phrase ever published online. And I’ll admit that I was intrigued by the capsule in this article describing Ginger Snaps:
Poolside Book Review: Andromache
Read Andromache, a play by Euripides, today. Pretty kickass. And still relevant to today. But enough with the pithy sentence fragments.
Andromache tells the story of, not surprisingly, Andromache, the wife of Hector, who got his sorry ass chased, whooped and dragged around the walls of Troy by Achilles. After the war, Andromache is taken as a slave by Menelaus. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Shawn, how could that be? Menelaus was killed by Hector.” No! Bad idiot! Don’t believe everything you see in Troy. Menelaus did not die at Troy. He survived, almost killed Helen, but then she whipped out her titties and he spared her. Seriously. It’s in the play:
Awesome Movie Recomendation: Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary
Oftentimes, when I am watching a Dracula movie, I think to myself, “Man, this Dracula movie has way too much spoken dialogue.” Or, “Man, this Dracula movie doesn’t have nearly enough dancing.” And, on the rarest of occasions, I think, “Man, this Dracula movie doesn’t have nearly enough Chinese Draculas.” Fortunately, Guy Maddin feels my pain. He directed a silent film version of the Royal Winnipeg Ballet’s adaptation of Stoker’s novel. It’s pretty damn good. Lots of iris and filters, like a good silent movie should have and lots of dancing. I don’t know if the dancing is any good. I’ve really seen a ballet before. That’s why I’m not writing a full Awesome Movie Review of Pages from a Virgin’s Diary or rating it on a scale of one to five tiny heads of Sergei Eisenstein. For all I know, the Royal Winnipeg Ballet could be the world’s shittiest ballet.
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