sports are more interesting than you
Groundbreaking Research
There’s some interesting new research going on at the University of Madison-Wisconsin into the complex and mysterious subset of society known as fantasy baseball. I play fantasy baseball (the Yip-Yips are #2, with a bullet), so I know a thing or two about the psychological dynamics of the game. Actually, I know very little about the psychological dynamics of anything, but I do know a thing or two about how to run a second-place fantasy baseball team, and that’s a lot more than these two researchers at UWM seem to know.
I Love Lucy
Holy crap, that was a good Cowboys-Seahawks game. A playoff win is always made better when it comes in game filled with mistakes, insanely lucky breaks and cowardly defensive play-calling. And the icing on the proverbial cake? Tony Romo, the man who gets verbally dry-humped by announcers every damn week, no matter how poorly he and his team are playing, lost the game for the Cowboys. Apparently, while Romo was off training with wisest of monks in the remote mountains of Tibet, forging himself into a rarefied combination of Brett Favre, Micheal Vick and Dean Martin, he forgot to master the fundamentals of the game, like catching a ball and placing on the ground for the kicker.
Red Means Stop
So I’m watching the Broncos-Chiefs game on the NFL Network and I notice three things that bother me. The first is Deion Sanders’ hat. Well, not so much the hat as the man wearing the hat. I thought the NFL Network was supposed to be a new spin on football, but it looks like they just gathered up the rejects from CBS and FOX and then tossed in the dated, VH-1 humour of Rich Eisen (the man who killed SportsCenter) and the bland play-by-play of Bryant Gumbel. My old roommate Cocksucker John did better play-by-play than Bryant Gumbel, and he was just some loud cocksucker recording his own voice while watching college basketball on ESPN.
A Shameful Admission
I have been watching soccer. Lots of it. Willingly. I feel so dirty. To make matters worse, I’m actually enjoying the soccer. Even though it’s just a bunch of prettyboy douchebags who style their hair before playing sports running up and down the pitch without really accomplishing much more than kicking the ball over the goal, I’ve been enthralled. I can’t turn it off. I get myself some brownies and Kool-Aid, plop down in Osama Bin Loungin’ and cheer for the Koreans in their silly pink uniforms. I just can’t help myself.
Opening Day Rant
It’s Opening Day in baseball today, and I’m ready to freakin’ kill somebody. Preferably the person responsible for mlb.tv. I paid $80 to watch baseball games online, yet now I’m unable to since the cockchafers at mlb.tv decided to make it incompatible with Linux. This is a recent development. Not more than a few weeks ago, I was able to watch Spring Training games and the World Baseball Classic using a variety of multimedia plugins. Now, not so much.
As if adding insult to injury, mlb.tv also decided to flashify everything. It’s 2006, who the fuck uses flash? Flash is garbage. Flash has always been garbage. Flash makes the Internet unbearable. But it does allow for a little “Boss” button on the mlb.tv page. What is a “Boss” button, you might ask. Well, it’s a little button that you click on and the baseball game window changes into a fake Word document. What kind of Word document? A fake nomination letter to bestbossever.com That is–pardon the expression–gay.
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