July 2006
You are browsing the archive for July 2006.
Awesome Movie Review: Yellow Sky
I love Gregory Peck. I wish he could be president, like Opus intended. But he’s dead, and dead people can’t be president. It’s too bad, because I always wanted a president who looked kinda like Ichiro!. Have you ever noticed the slight resemblance between Gregory Peck and Ichiro!? Not so much older Gregory Peck, but young Gregory Peck, especially when he has a little facial hair. Looks just like Ichiro!, from a certain angle. Don’t believe me? Then watch Yellow Sky, you’ll see the resemblance. And you’ll also see a pretty good, if somewhat conventional, western.
I’m #1 (And #2)
Go ahead, do a Google search for steve martin’s crotch. I rank #1 and #2. Today I am more proud of this blog than I have ever been before. The three idiots out there who have suffered through this blog from the beginning surely know that the only reason I continue to blog is to waste random strangers’ time. I love it when idiots try to use Google to find information or answer questions or get passwords to mlb.tv, but instead end up at this worthless blog. It really makes my day. If I can waste just a few moments of a person’s life, all the work I put into this blog is completely worth it. Your time nourishes me. $4.97/lb. is a pretty good price for a T-Bone, right? I’m not planning to have steak for dinner or anything, but enjoy asking irrelevant questions.
I Am Not A Nerd
But if I were, I’d be totally pissed off about the casting of the Dragonlance movie. Kiefer Sutherland as Raistlin? That’s horseshit. Kiefer is way too old to play Raistlin. Yes, I know it’s an animated feature, so only the voice matters, but Kiefer Sutherland’s vocal stylings are ill-suited for playing the soft-spoken mage. The Kiefer Sutherland school of acting consists of a constant and predictable alternation of whispering and shouting. He’ll whisper something like, “Thousands of lives are at stake. I need you to tell me where the curly fries are.” Then he’ll pause for a moment, then yell, “WHERE ARE THE CURLY FRIES!!” Then he goes back to whispering, then yelling, then whispering, etc. While the Kiefer Sutherland school of acting has been quite successful in 24, it won’t work for Raistlin.
Spamalot
I’ve been getting a lot of spam comments lately. Most are of the free ringtone variety. But today, someone (or something) has been posting comments with no name, no subject and no content. Because these comments have nothing for the Love Hewitt Spam Filter to scan, they’re getting through pretty much all of the time. This bothers me. It means my blog has been compromised. What was once a bastion of meaningful discussion and intellectual rumination has become a haven for empty spam, spam that advertises nothing, that links to nothing, that believes in nothing.
Natalie Portman is Dead To Me
I’m so disappointed in Natalie Portman. Short hair and cavorting with a monkey billboard? Not cool, Natalie. Not cool. And it looks like I’ll have to swear off Coca-Cola products as well. Using a monkey to promote products is bad enough, but clothing a monkey is unforgivable. Monkeys are not little people. They should not wear clothes. They should not promote soft drinks. And they should not cavort with Natalie Portman.
I can’t believe I once said that the only decent thing about the Star Wars prequels was Natalie Portman chained to a post. And I can’t believe I used to wear a free Coca-Cola t-shirt. Forgive me, world. I was so very, very wrong.
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