August 2006
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Poolside Book Review: Andromache
Read Andromache, a play by Euripides, today. Pretty kickass. And still relevant to today. But enough with the pithy sentence fragments.
Andromache tells the story of, not surprisingly, Andromache, the wife of Hector, who got his sorry ass chased, whooped and dragged around the walls of Troy by Achilles. After the war, Andromache is taken as a slave by Menelaus. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Shawn, how could that be? Menelaus was killed by Hector.” No! Bad idiot! Don’t believe everything you see in Troy. Menelaus did not die at Troy. He survived, almost killed Helen, but then she whipped out her titties and he spared her. Seriously. It’s in the play:
Madden No 7
The title of this post sounded much cleverer in my head. You see, Madden 07 came out yesterday and I’m attempting to make a play on words, switching the oh-seven to a no-seven. Unfortunately, No is also a common abbreviation for number, which might lead one to believe that I’m blogging about Madden #7. Then some random idiot will post an anonymous comment using a fake email address saying something along the lines of, “You are a douchebag. There have been more than seven Maddens. PS3 p0wnz Xbox, Again?!” So I just want everyone to know that I am not blogging about the seventh edition of Madden. I’m blogging about my intention to not play Madden 07 and using an ill-conceived pun to convey this intention.
Fantasy Football Mock Draft, If Football Were Played By Guest Stars on Fantasy Island
QB: Rory Calhoun
QB: Tom Jones
RB: Don Ho
RB: Jill St. John
WR: Abe Vigoda
WR: Don Knotts
TE: Sue Lyon
K: Jimmie Walker
Defense: Robert Goulet
We’re Through The Looking Glass Here People
The pieces are beginning to come together in the vast monkey conspiracy. People never believe me when I say that monkeys are planning to take over the world, most likely through the impersonation of Johnny Depp. Now they’ll have no choice to accept the truth. The onset of the monkey revolution is coming, and I have the proof. That’s right, idiots, the Chinese have banned The Simpsons from prime time television.
Awesome Movie Recomendation: Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary
Oftentimes, when I am watching a Dracula movie, I think to myself, “Man, this Dracula movie has way too much spoken dialogue.” Or, “Man, this Dracula movie doesn’t have nearly enough dancing.” And, on the rarest of occasions, I think, “Man, this Dracula movie doesn’t have nearly enough Chinese Draculas.” Fortunately, Guy Maddin feels my pain. He directed a silent film version of the Royal Winnipeg Ballet’s adaptation of Stoker’s novel. It’s pretty damn good. Lots of iris and filters, like a good silent movie should have and lots of dancing. I don’t know if the dancing is any good. I’ve really seen a ballet before. That’s why I’m not writing a full Awesome Movie Review of Pages from a Virgin’s Diary or rating it on a scale of one to five tiny heads of Sergei Eisenstein. For all I know, the Royal Winnipeg Ballet could be the world’s shittiest ballet.
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