November 2006
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Red Means Stop
So I’m watching the Broncos-Chiefs game on the NFL Network and I notice three things that bother me. The first is Deion Sanders’ hat. Well, not so much the hat as the man wearing the hat. I thought the NFL Network was supposed to be a new spin on football, but it looks like they just gathered up the rejects from CBS and FOX and then tossed in the dated, VH-1 humour of Rich Eisen (the man who killed SportsCenter) and the bland play-by-play of Bryant Gumbel. My old roommate Cocksucker John did better play-by-play than Bryant Gumbel, and he was just some loud cocksucker recording his own voice while watching college basketball on ESPN.
Awesome Movie Review: Thank You For Smoking
Voice-over narration. I’m not a fan, especially when the narration is first-person. First-person narration in film has two fundamental flaws. First, it’s a holdover from the realm of literature. Novels have first-person narrators, so why can’t films? Well, I’ll tell you why: because films are, by there very nature, third-person in nature. There might be the occasional exception, but nothing noteworthy or worthwhile. Just as it is very difficult for a novelist to actively and successfully mix first- and third-person narration, using a first-person narration in a third-person film is quite the sticky wicket. The second flaw of first-person narration is that it is far too often a narrative crutch. There is the old Creative Writing 101 adage of “show, don’t tell” that applies equally, if not more so, to film. While there are many, many idiots in this world, I am not one of them.
Democracy Inaction
After you get done chuckling in response to the oh-so-clever wordplay in the title of this post, I’d like to talk about the election for a moment. As some of you idiots might know, today is Election Day in the US. All day, it’s been the only thing people can talk about. There have been reports of technical glitches, long lines and sorts of other wacky electioneering shenanigans. But what I’ve failed to see are accurate depictions of the average polling place. Now, I didn’t vote today (I’m not registered in Arizona and my beliefs as a Calvinist strictly forbid any participation in the democratic process) but I was at a polling place for over 10 hours today.
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