December 2006
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Awesome Movie Review: Running on Karma
Before I get too far into this Awesome Movie Review, I should warn you that the movie I’ll be awesomely reviewing contains graphic depictions of latex man ass. Lots of latex man ass. And it’s not the good kind of latex man ass, either. Actually, there really is no good kind of latex man ass. However, the latex man ass in Running on Karma is not nearly as gratuitous as most graphic depictions of latex man ass. One could argue that the latex man ass is essential to the plot. You see, the hero of Running on Karma is a character named Big, a name he earned by being wicked large. Big is played by Hong Kong superstar Andy Lau, who, despite being super awesome and all that, is not very big. In order to accurately depict the wicked largeness of his character, Andy Lau dons a latex muscle suit, which includes the aforementioned latex man ass.
Poolside Book Review: Against the Day
I apologise for taking so long in posting this Poolside Book Review of the TRP’s latest, Against the Day. It’s wicked long and I haven’t been spending all that much time reading. And I’ve spend the better part of today trying to figure out exactly how to express my reaction to the novel. I’ve decided to be blunt: I did not care for it.
It saddens to me to say this, but lil’ Michiko Kakutani’s review perfectly described Against the Day as:
[A] humongous, bloated jigsaw puzzle of a story, pretentious without being provocative, elliptical without being illuminating, complicated without being rewardingly complex.
One-Act Play Set In A Chinese Aquarium
Chinese Fish Doctor 1: Hey Dr. Lee, what do you think is wrong with those dolphins?
Chinese Fish Doctor 2: I don’t know, Dr. Li. They have looked pretty down lately.
CFD 1: Should we cook them?
CFD 2: No. I think they might have something stuck in their stomachs.
CFD 1: You mean like maybe five children, a goat and a rock?
CFD 2: Are you fucking kidding me? What the fuck is wrong with you?
CFD 1: Well, I just thought maybe…
CFD 2: I know what you thought. You thought, “Oh look at me! I’m Dr. Li and used to watch Hercules: The Legendary Journeys ’cause that chick who played Aphrodite had a kickin’ rack, so now I’m going to drop all sorts of mythology references, regardless of whether the situation even warrants such references.”
CFD 1: Dude…
No, It Isn’t
So I’m perusing the latest online edition of my favourite publication of the Archaeological Institute of America, Archaeology, when I came across an article entitled, Is Apocalypto Pornography?”. Although I had originally intended to catch up on some Tut Talk (he is my favourite honky, after all), the allure of pornography was too great to pass up.
The basic premise of the article is that although Apocalypto is a well-shot, action packed film, director Melvin Gibson presents a one-sided view of the most violent and sensational aspects of what was actually a multifaceted and dynamic society. The author also uses the word ‘hellavuh’.
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