August 2007
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BioSchlock
I apologise for the title of this post. It sounds like something out of Mad Magazine. Actually, it’s not even that good. It’s like something out of Cracked, the magazine, not the website. The Cracked website titles all their posts in the “The n Most x y, where n is a number, x is an adjective, and y is an element of pop culture that is meant to seem ironic. But I digress.
A One-Act Play In Which I Attempt To Console Two Sobbing Children
ME: Hey kid, why are you crying?
Sobbing Child 1: I want my mommy!
Sobbing Child 2: I want to go home! I don’t like it here!
ME: It’s school, no one likes it here.
SC1: I want my mommy!
SC2: I need to go to the nurse!
ME: Are you sick?
SC2: I want to call my mommy so she can take me home.
SC1: I wanna go home!
ME: Listen, kids, they’re not going to let you go home unless you’re sick. If they let every kid just go home, there wouldn’t be anybody left in school. Then they’d have to close the school down, I’d be out of a job, I wouldn’t have any money for food, and I’d die alone in the streets. You don’t want me to die, do you?
SC2: I don’t like it here!
SC1: Yeah, it’s haunted here!
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